Notice of charges for receipt of political correspondence

As the general election is coming up, I am putting charges onto all political correspondence that I receive at my house. .

The charges for flyers, letters and pamphlets are:
Conservatives: £250 (£99 surcharge if correspondence is from Michelle Donelan)
Labour: £150
Lib Dem: £77.50p
UKIP: £5
Green Party: £750
Co-operative party: £10.56p

All other parties: £49.99p

If you visit my house, you will be charged the following:

Answering the door:
Conservatives: £99.99
All other parties: £49.99

Listening to what you say, charges per minute and part thereof:
Conservatives: £99.99
Green: £499.99
Labour: £24.99
All other parties £49.99

Telling you to fuck off:
Green: £249.99
Conservatives: £99 (If you are Michelle Donelan there is a £50 extra cost towards my pleasure of telling you to fuck off)
All other parties, free

There will also be a £49.99 surcharge for p&p of the invoice.




It will be assumed that by posting material through my door, or visiting my house, that you have read these terms and have agreed to them.

Invoices will be sent weekly, Payment in full will be required within 7 days.